Social Connection and Wellbeing: How can we connect when we are alone?

“I just want to be happy”

The attainment of human happiness has been a focus for philosophers for centuries.  In Ancient Greece, Aristotle, placed achieving eudaimonia as the ultimate goal for humankind.  Eudaimonia is often translated as happiness, but actually refers to much more than ‘feel-good vibes’, by encompassing a deeper sense of wellbeing, purpose and fulfilment.

Human connection is a critical ingredient to achieving eudaimonia.

The human ‘need to belong’ is familiar across many theories through time.

Humanistic Psychologist, Maslow, who first coined the term ‘Positive Psychology’ in 1954,  ranked ‘love and belongingness’ just above basic human needs, in his Hierarchy of Needs.  In 1969, Bowlby’s Attachment Theory also emphasised the human need for relationships, and in 1995, Baumeister & Leary developed the Belonging Hypothesis, stating humans are fundamentally motivated by a need to belong and therefore possess a strong desire to form and maintain enduring, personal connections. More recently, Martin Seligman, who championed the current shift towards positive psychology research, evolved the definition of Wellbeing to incorporate 5 core elements; Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment, referred to with the acronym PERMA. Social connection underpins many of these PERMA elements, highlighting its critical importance for eudaimonic wellbeing.

What is social connection?

Social Connection refers to the extent in which someone feels they have meaningful, close, and constructive relationships with others.

This means that you:

Care about others and feel cared for by others: 

this important reciprocal relationship is a result of positive, constructive connection and serves to promote our sense of self-worth.

Feel as though you belong to a group or community: 

the sense of belonging and feeling as though you are a valued member of a group supports our identity and feelings of support and alliance.  The group size or type is unimportant and may refer to a friendship group, neighbourhood, workplace, or broader society.

We know social connection

affects our

health and wellbeing

in many significant ways.  

Think of a time you’ve spent in happy connection with good friends.   How do you feel during and after these events? It will be no surprise that positive social connection lowers our levels of stress, depression and anxiety, bolsters our resilience and self-regulation, and improves our mood.  However, you may be surprised to know that positive social connection also supports sleep, energy, focus and cognition, as well as improves immunity and inflammatory control.  People with strong social relationships, are at decreased risk of developing dementia and cardio-vascular disease, and have increased survival rates from illness such as leukaemia and heart disease (Case, et al., 1992) Strong social relationships reduce our vulnerability to ill-health and premature death.  The World Health Organization acknowledges the serious, yet under-recognised, effects social isolation has on our health and lifespan, with knock-on negative effects to entire communities. 

In our busy lives, we often find ourselves socially isolated and yearning for social connection.  It isn’t always easy to schedule time with friends or engage in social events. 

What if there were a way to feel more connected, even when we aren’t? 

How can we reap the mental, emotional and physical benefits of social connection when we don’t have the time or the ability to socialise?

Research shows Loving-Kindness Meditation (LKM) increases feelings of social connection, which increases positive social emotions and therefore decreases social isolation. Engaging in just a few minutes of LKM, can induce positive emotions towards self and others, and more positive automatic responses to environmental stimuli.

What is LKM?  

LKM is a type of Buddhust mindfulness-based meditation that aims to cultivate unconditional, kind attitudes towards oneself and others which supports both interconnectedness and self-care.  LKM is widely used in therapeutic and clinical settings, but can also be used at home, while walking or sitting on a bus.  The beauty of this meditation, is that it can be utilised in various settings, adapted to different contexts, and its effects are not dependent upon specific time dedicated to it.

When starting out with LKM, it is best to follow a guided meditation in a quiet place where you won't be interrupted.  The targets change gradually with practice, following an order from easy to difficult. The initial focus will be someone who you easily love.  You will be guided to focus loving, kind energy toward their image, and then towards yourself.  Generally, practitioners silently repeat phrases, such as “may you be happy” or “may you be free from suffering”, toward targets. As you become more experienced, you might start to focus on more difficult people, which helps to better manage difficult interactions, situations and relationships in reality.  

Look here for a more detailed explanation of KLM and try following this guided session to get you feeling more connected, even when you aren’t!

Don’t let physical social restrictions limit your feelings of connection.  Consider engaging in some LKM meditation, and experience more positive emotions as well as the extra physical and mental benefits associated with social connection!

References

Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (2017). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Interpersonal development, 57-89.

Bakker, A. M. R. (2021). Exploring the mental health benefits of a brief app-based loving-kindness meditation practice: a randomized control trial (Doctoral dissertation, University of British Columbia).

Cacioppo, J. T., Cacioppo, S., Capitanio, J. P., & Cole, S. W. (2015). The neuroendocrinology of social isolation. Annual review of psychology, 66(1), 733-767.

Hawkley, L. C., & Cacioppo, J. T. (2010). Loneliness matters: A theoretical and empirical review of consequences and mechanisms. Annals of behavioral medicine, 40(2), 218-227.

Holmes, J. (2014). John Bowlby and attachment theory. Routledge.

Hutcherson, C. A., Seppala, E. M., & Gross, J. J. (2008). Loving-kindness meditation increases social connectedness. Emotion, 8(5), 720.

Leppma, M. (2012). Loving-kindness meditation and counseling. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 34(3), 197-204.

McLeod, S. (2007). Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Simply psychology, 1(1-18).

Diener, E., & Seligman, M. E. (2002). Very happy people. Psychological science, 13(1), 81-84.

Seligman, M. E. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Simon and Schuster.

World Health Organization (2024-2026)  Commission on Social Connection https://www.who.int/groups/commission-on-social connection#:~:text=Anyone%2C%20anywhere%2C%20can%20be%20lonely,proven%20solutions%20and%20measure%20progress.

Zeng, X., Chiu, C. P., Wang, R., Oei, T. P., & Leung, F. Y. (2015). The effect of loving-kindness meditation on positive emotions: A meta-analytic review. Frontiers in psychology, 6, 1693.